just come out here and I will go home with you...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
that is very illegal...i love you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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