so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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