Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
