I wish my penis had an off switch
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
