How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
