So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
