everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
