I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
