He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
