Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize