I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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