Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
false alarm, still single
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
