Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
