I'm pants shitting drunk right now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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