everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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