Already got asked if we're dating
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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