my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
