True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
