your parents love me but you hate me
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
