Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
