Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
