2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's never too late to be topless.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
