You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
