I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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