Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
