my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
