the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
