I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
