I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
