I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
