She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
