in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
no more duck duck goose at the bar
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
