I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
