Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
