i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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