the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
