I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
