i would punch a child for taco bell
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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