So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
