I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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