is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize