Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize