i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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