when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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