So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
