**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
