there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
