I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
