Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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