Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
