I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm always down for nudity.
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