Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize