if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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