What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
