If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize