Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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