U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
