Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
