HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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