clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
