New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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