i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
