Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
