Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
