I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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