"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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